As we’ve all learned, a two night wedding special on E! does not guarantee that your marriage is meant to last much longer than a few months (or if you’re Kim Kardashian, 72 days to be exact). You should never consider getting married unless you’re more than 100 percent sure it’s the right person and the right time. Unfortunately, Kim K. failed to realize this when it was too late, but you don’t! Remember these ten reasons not to say “I do.”
No. 10. He’s Perfect on Paper
Finding that special someone can be a grueling and lengthy task, so when you do come across a socially acceptable guy — the kind you’d take home to meet your parents back in the burbs — you may feel tempted to snatch him up from the reach of the millions of single city ladies. Yet, as sweet, handsome and well-educated as he may be, it won’t mean much if your personalities don’t jive. His well behaved personality and “good on paper” qualities should come in second to sharing similar tastes, interests and goals. Remember: He has to be right for you, not everyone else.
No.9 You’ve Been Dating Since, Like, Forever
A romance that can withstand the test of time, is impressive, don’t get me wrong. When a teenage crush can grow into a full-blown adult romance, it is something special, but let’s be real, if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, wouldn’t he have put a ring on it by now? If a guy who is stalling on proposing then it’s not worth sticking around even longer to wait for him to make up his mind. Don’t worry about the years you’ve already invested; think about all the future ones you’ll spoil by doing something that just doesn’t feel right. Staying with someone just because it’s comfortable and easy are not reasons to stay together to wait until he makes it official.
No.8 All Your Friends Are Doing It
It’s normal that you want to be included in the wedding planning convos with your girlfriends at brunch — and at family dinners with your younger Kardashian clan members — but unlike owning the newest pair of red-heeled pumps, this “follow the leader” approach should not apply to marriage. Being the only unwed gal in your crew may feel a little awkward from time to time, but it’s nothing compared to the agony you’ll feel by getting hitched to the wrong guy, just to feel like you’ve caught up with the group.
No.7 To Please Your Parents
Your parents are convinced that all of their friends’ kids are married and they can’t wait to be grandparents, but, your parents should not have the final word on who is the best man to spend the rest of your life with — arranged marriages and dowries are so 19th Century. Put your feelings first; all you can do is just hope that mommy and daddy approve.
No.6 It’s The “Next Step”
Successful career? Check. Own an apartment in Manhattan? Check. Marriage seems like the next logical step in the sequence of adult life, but just because you have a lucrative job and a classy two-bedroom on Central Park West, it doesn’t mean a walk down the aisle will complete the package. Everyone takes different paths in life, and it’s possible that yours won’t necessarily include dress fittings and church rehearsals in the near future.
No. 5 Financial Stability
Just because owning a place with a spouse will make your mortgage more affordable, it does not mean you must jump into marriage to make owning your dream apartment a reality. Two incomes and joint health insurance seems tempting to enjoy a more luxurious life, but don’t commit to a life together based on money alone.
No. 4 You’ve Always Dreamed of Your Wedding
You decided on your wedding colors, honeymoon location, and your children’s names back in your middle school diary. While the guy you’ve been dating may not seem like Mr. Right, he’s got potential and the timing would be perfect for a June wedding at the Plaza. Your time for your dream wedding will come one day; don’t rush it with the wrong guy just to experience the fairytale.
No.3 He Caught You Off Guard
In one of life’s unpredictable turn of events, by some freak miracle, he proposed to you earlier than you would have expected it. Being put on the spot by the man you love may lead you to say “yes” without giving it the right amount of serious consideration. If you have even the slightest doubt, take the time to think it over. If he loves you, he won’t take it personal or make you feel guilty about your decision to wait.
No.2 You’re Close with His Family
You love his mom’s cooking, his dad gives great advice and his sister is one of your closest friends, but it’s not his family that you will have to share a bed with for the rest of your life. If things just aren’t perfect with him, don’t stay around because you don’t want to hurt his loving mother’s feelings. Focus on finding the right individual rather than the right family.
No.1 You’re Having His Baby
Let’s be brutally honest: Kids do not make marriages work. It may not be in your, his, or a child’s best interest to see two parents subject themselves to a marriage of convenience. Your child will be the one who suffers most should his/her parents force themselves into a family mold. Remember, successful single parents do exist.
Sarah Shaker is an ex-soap opera producer, living, writing, and dating in the East Village. After launching Bright Lights, My City, a niche NYC lifestyle blog, she began working in community management and social media. Sarah is currently working for MSNBC.com as the Regional Community Coordinator for EveryBlock.com, a hyperlocal website connecting neighbors to make their block a better place.