How to Escape a Bad Date

He’s rude, annoying, pretentious — and you haven’t even ordered a glass of wine, yet.  The next time you’re out with Mr. Wrong, use one of these evening-ending strategies to get your booty out of there.

Mr. Feelin’-Himself

This guy has been following you around the gym for weeks. He’s always offering to spot you, so he can sneak a few glances down your shirt. Finally, you give in and go out on a date with him to get him off your back. After a few drinks you start dancing, and he begins rubbing up against you like an animal in heat. It’s going to take more than a polite dismissal at the end of the night to convince Mr. Aggressive that his eager-beaver attitude isn’t working for you; you can’t be subtle with men who have major egos. Bring up a topic that will turn off his sexual advances like, “I’m just dying to get married and have a baby like all of my friends!” or “Buy me another drink. Alcohol helps clear up yeast infections.”

Mr. Just-Not-That-Into-Him

You’ve been set up by a friend with a guy who is handsome and polite. He pours your water when your glass is empty, stands when you get up for the bathroom, and has been opening doors all night, but he just won’t shut up about how his ex-girlfriend broke his heart. He may be some woman’s idea of Mr. Right —  he’s just not yours.  If he seems like a decent guy, do your best to let him down gently by using flattery. He’ll feel rejected no matter what you say, but complimenting him will help him walk away with some dignity.

Mr. @$$Hole

He drooled over the waitress as she walked away, brought up his strong belief in Brazilian waxes and is now going on about how women have no place in the business world. He’s a triple package: superficial, sexist and rude. For this jerk, all you need to do is come up with a quick excuse to leave him alone with the check. Glance at your Blackberry and notice an urgent text from your roommate who is in the hospital with an allergic reaction, or fish through your handbag and mutter something about losing your medication and insist that you have to leave to go find it — say anything. Chances are he won’t offer to help and you’ll be free to run away.

Mr. Su-Casa-Mi-Casa

The date kinda sucked, but you took pity on him and offered him up for a cup of coffee.  Now it’s pushing 4am and he just won’t leave!  First, attempt to send him out on an errand. Tell him nothing turns you on more than dark chocolate, but you’re all out. Guys will do almost anything if it may lead to sex. The minute he’s gone, lock the door, turn off the lights and tell your doorman not to let him back. If that doesn’t work, your next option is to scare his ass out.  Tell him your parents are coming in from out of state and arrive on their late-night flight any minute.  Or your big brother, who just got out of prison, is headed over for a reunion. Basically, say anything that makes it clear that this guy isn’t getting lucky tonight, or ever.

Mr. Smothering

He told the waitress you won’t be drinking tonight — without asking if you even wanted a glass of wine — and ordered everything for you. When you discussed your winter plans, he said he can’t wait to have you in his bed all December at his ski cabin despite the fact that you haven’t even shared your first kiss. The day after your date he texts you every hour, on the hour, and when you are too busy at work to respond he asks if you’re ignoring him. Stalk much? Explain to him that you’re an independent city girl and you’re looking for a date not a dad. Whatever you do, make sure to nip it in the butt early, or you’ll be dealing with his crazy antics for a long time.

Sarah Shaker is an ex-soap opera producer, living, writing, and dating in the East Village.  After launching Bright Lights, My City, a niche NYC lifestyle blog, she began working in community management and social media.  Sarah is currently working for MSNBC.com as the Regional Community Coordinator for EveryBlock.com, a hyperlocal website connecting neighbors to make their block a better place.

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